How To Deal With A Depressed Angry Husband – “If your partner is depressed, you have to take care of yourself or you will be of no use to them.” Illustration: Nick Shepherd

Caring for someone with chronic depression is difficult, as Poorna Bell discovered when her husband became ill. The first rule, he said, is self-care

How To Deal With A Depressed Angry Husband

There is no lightning moment when you know you are losing your sense of self; It just doesn’t. When you care for your loved ones, your wants and needs are superseded by theirs, because what you want, more than anything else, is for them to be okay. Caring for a partner with mental health issues, in my case my husband Rob, who has chronic depression, is complicated.

Alone With My Husband’s Secret

Like many people, Rob and I did not grow up in a society that accepted, let alone talked about, depression. How silence and disdain allowed him to cope with his illness: He actually struggled with the idea of being sick. He told me at the beginning of our relationship that he had depression, but I didn’t know what it was related to – the scale, the scope, the fact that this chronic illness can come back every year and last for months.

I don’t know what questions to ask. And Rob tries to point out how bad it is. He wants to be “normal” so he spends a lot of energy trying to pretend he’s okay when he’s not. In 2015, Rob took his own life. The reasons are complicated, but I believe it was a combination of depression and opiate addiction that self-medicated.

Although I feel bad for how Rob’s battle ended, I often wonder how I coped when he was alive. Hindsight is always bittersweet, but I’ve learned a lot, especially about my own mental health. Here’s what I learned:

It’s natural to feel like you have to manage everything, but you have to take care of yourself or you won’t be useful to your partner. Dr Monica Cain, a consultant psychologist at the Nightingale Hospital in London, said: “The pressure to do it all can be overwhelming.” “Take this stress seriously. It’s a very difficult thing to manage even at the best of times,” she advises.

Could My Husband Have Postpartum Depression?

It used to drive me crazy that Rob wouldn’t get out of bed. It took him a while to realize that “can’t” instead of “doesn’t.” I’m sure he would feel better if he went for a walk or met his friends, but depression is also a physical illness. As Dr. Cain says, “Physically, depression affects energy levels. Sometimes people feel very tired and want to sleep all the time.”

When your partner can’t get out of bed or socialize with you, there can be anger and frustration. Jayne Hardy, founder of the Blut Foundation, which helps people affected by depression, said the “feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness” depressed people can have means they often “put loved ones on a pedestal”. . She says their skewed perspective means they can “struggle to see what you’re being offered”.

On more than one occasion, Rob said to me, “I feel like I’m ruining your life.” I stopped doing what I love and because I was home with him, it made him feel guilty that he missed me.

People with depression find that mundane tasks, such as opening the post office or going to the store, are impossible. Often, they keep their finances hidden, Dr. Cain said. “It’s very embarrassing for them to say, ‘It’s hard for me to stay on top.'” This can be stressful for their partners. As Dr. Antonis Kousoulis, a physician and deputy director of the Mental Health Foundation, said: “Being the main source of support for a partner with depression can add a lot of stress. But it’s still better than not knowing what’s going on with your partner’s finances or caregivers. So to keep your own mental health and avoid unnecessary stress, it may be easier to have an agreement with your partner that when they are sick, you will be in the administrative driving seat.And when they feel they can, they will fix it.

Angry Couple Having Argument Or Breakup. Young Husband And Wife Having Quarrel While Sitting On A Couch In The Living Stock Image

You may be afraid that your friends and family won’t understand. But trying to keep up appearances while supporting your partner is exhausting. “Opening up the conversation with friends and family, and getting them involved, usually makes a big difference in solving the stigma and building a circle of support,” says Dr. Kousoulis. Hardy added: “All the advice we would give to those suffering from depression also applies to the loved ones who support us: make sure you have support, ask for help to understand more about the illness, keep the lines of communication open; no Don’t be afraid to ask questions and make self-care a priority.”

There are people you fall in love with, who make you laugh until it hurts, and then there are bad days, when you interact with strangers who won’t let you in. “Depression can amplify or change feelings,” Dr. Kousoulis said. “A person can experience highs and lows equally, so it’s important not to make personal changes.”

This may be easier said than done. I found my own coping mechanisms: therapy, exercise, and lowering my expectations of what I wanted and needed from Rob when he felt bad. I know that somewhere in this person is my husband, so sometimes, you left him postcards telling him that I love him very much. He didn’t react rudely but I know it happened because he kept everything in a memory box.

Most importantly, keep your love. “You won’t always feel like you’re making progress,” says Hardy. “You too can feel helpless at times. But your patience, kindness and understanding made all the difference.” We use cookies to make it perfect. By using our website, you accept our cookie policy. Cookie settings

Depression Is Destroying My Marriage

This article was co-authored by Peggy Rios, PhD. Dr. Peggy Rios is a counseling psychologist based in Florida. With more than 24 years of experience, Dr. Rios works with people who suffer from psychological symptoms such as anxiety and depression. She specializes in clinical psychology, along with behavioral health programs based on empowerment theory and trauma healing. Dr. Rios uses an integrative and evidence-based approach to providing support and treatment to people with life-changing medical conditions. He has a master’s degree and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Maryland. Dr. Rios is a licensed psychologist in Florida.

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Depression is a mental illness that requires treatment like any other illness. If your spouse is suffering from depression, there are things you can do to help. Helping your spouse get treatment, supporting them during treatment, and taking good care of yourself are important ways to help your spouse recover from depression. Read on to learn more about how to help your spouse with depression.

Support & Education For Adults On The Autism Spectrum: Why Your Spouse On The Autism Spectrum Is Depressed

The content of this article is not intended as a substitute for medical, professional advice, diagnostic tests or treatment. You should consult a doctor or other qualified health care professional before starting, changing or stopping any health treatment. My boyfriend and I are in our early twenties and recently moved in together after a four-year long-distance relationship. course I always knew he struggled with depression and had mild Asperger’s. His depression has gotten really bad lately, and since this is the first time he’s been this depressed since we’ve been together, I don’t know what to do. It’s like I’m walking on eggshells every time we talk, and if I say something wrong, it shuts down. I can’t push him for information or try to get him to help me. You in something around the house. I can’t have a normal conversation. I feel very lonely.

I love him so much, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I can’t

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