How To Not Feel Lonely When Single

How To Not Feel Lonely When Single – Loneliness is not a feeling reserved only for single or lonely people. But there are ways to work through it.

“It’s very common for people in long-term relationships to feel lonely,” says Neeloo Dardashti, a psychologist and relationship expert in New York.

How To Not Feel Lonely When Single

According to Dardashti, people in a relationship may feel lonely because something is wrong with the relationship itself or because they expect their partner to fill the void they are carrying.

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Whatever the culprit, here are some experts to explain why you may feel this way and offer ways to address the root of the loneliness you’re experiencing.

One of the reasons you feel lonely may be that your relationship isn’t as good as it used to be. A 2018 Pew Research Center survey found that 28% of people who are unhappy with their home life feel lonely all or most of the time. And the number of unhappy people at home is on the rise—the most recent General Social Survey conducted by NORC at the University of Chicago in 2016 reported the most unhappy couples since 1974.

Gary Brown, a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, says that this feeling of loneliness can often occur when a couple loses their emotional connection. “Even in the best of relationships, there will be times when one or both people can grow apart and become a little distant and alienated from each other,” he says.

According to Jenny Tietz, clinical psychologist and author of How to Be Single and Happy, the desire not to be vulnerable can also contribute to feelings of loneliness in relationships. A romantic system. “One contributing factor to loneliness is not talking about your feelings or sharing things that are a little less safe and risky to share,” she says. “You can be close to someone, but they don’t know very personal things about you.”

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Social media can also play a role. According to Tietz, comparing your relationship to what you see on social media can lead to feelings of isolation. “For example, let’s say today is Valentine’s Day and you had a wonderful dinner. But then you go on social media and other people are getting beautiful jewelry or flowers,” she said. “It automatically makes you feel lonely.” When you compare your relationships on social media, she says, you’re comparing yourself and Removes “awkwardness” between your partner. This distance can lead to feelings of loneliness. And the more time you spend on social media, the lonelier you feel. A 2017 study published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine found that people who used social media Those who reported spending more than two hours a day on media were twice as lonely as those who spent half an hour on those pages.

But for some people, feelings of loneliness may precede a real relationship. A 2016 study published in the journal Nature found that loneliness may be a genetic trait, and that some people are genetically predisposed to feeling more lonely throughout their lives. Surname. And Dardashti warns that entering into a relationship as a means of overcoming pre-existing feelings of loneliness will never really work. “People hope that this other person will be the solution to the loneliness of their existence in the world, but that’s usually not the case,” she said. “Nobody is going to [take away] that loneliness.”

Identifying the root of your loneliness can be difficult. Joshua Rosenthal, clinical psychologist and director of child and adolescent treatment at Manhattan Psychological Group, says the first step is to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. If your partner often tries to make you feel emotionally fulfilled during the conversation, but you can’t shake the feeling of loneliness, “maybe it’s something inside instead of coming from the other side. People,” he said.

If so, take a closer look at your past relationships and determine if the feelings you’re experiencing are a pattern rather than a departure from this particular relationship. No, Rosenthal said. Do you often feel lonely as the novelty of a new relationship wears off? “Maybe you feel that way [after the early stages] in any relationship,” suggests Dardashti. “It’s a question to come back to. What is it about you that creates this dynamic?

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According to both Rosenthal and Dardashti, if you talk to your partner and they’re also feeling lonely, chances are the relationship is to blame. “Mostly, if you feel lonely, other people feel lonely too,” says Dardashti. A 2009 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology also found that loneliness can be contagious.

If you and your partner both feel lonely, Dardashti says it’s important to consider these feelings in the context of your relationship. Do you think feeling lonely is more common than being together? Do you feel that you are lonelier now than before you entered this relationship? Do you think there was a time when you were more responsive to your partner than you are now? According to Dardashti, if the answer to these questions is yes, this could be a sign that something is wrong in your relationship. Usually, she said, it could be because the two of you have drifted apart. “If you’ve ever felt like there’s more connection and therefore less isolation, that’s a sign that maybe you’re drifting in different directions.”

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If loneliness is at the root of your relationship and you’re hoping to get back on track, you should have another talk with your partner. “Be aware of what you’re feeling first yourself, then reach out to your partner and start what will likely be a series of conversations,” says Brown. “This needs to be done in a way where your partner doesn’t feel judged; [It’s] easier than telling them what your experience is.”

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So, how do you make sure your partner doesn’t feel judged or defensive? According to Brown, it’s important to come from a vulnerable place when explaining how you feel and use non-accusatory tone and language. For example, you might say something like, “I want to confide in you about what’s going on in my inner world—I’ve just been a bit off and I don’t want you to hear that much. Like guilt, but more than that. My experience,” he said. Brown adds that also consider acknowledging any stressors your partner may be experiencing in their lives that may be keeping them from fully being with you.

Then listen to your partner’s point of view. If they’re on the same page about wanting to fix the relationship, you can have a series of conversations to figure out what might be hurting your relationship and how to fix it, Brown says. And if you need a little more help communicating or finding a solution, Taitz recommends seeing a couples therapist and not waiting until things get really bad. “If you feel stuck on certain issues or have difficulty communicating effectively with your partner and [you] value your relationship, evidence-based couples therapy is available. It can help you increase intimacy during specific sessions by teaching you skills. ,” says Tietz. These skills can include communicating in a way that defuses rather than escalates tension, and managing your emotions before talking to your partner.

However, if your partner is really doing everything to make you feel fulfilled and loneliness is something that exists within you, then you may be the type of person who looks for outside ways to cope. She suggests that you deal with these feelings yourself by seeking the help of a therapist “where you are encouraged to look at yourself and reflect on things, problems, and stereotypes.” Mine”. There, you may be dealing with your own internal issues that may be affecting how you feel about your relationship.

While it may seem counterintuitive, the solution to loneliness isn’t necessarily to surround yourself with people. Dardashti suggests engaging in activities like meditation that force you to look inward. She says: “It’s important that if you want to feel more comfortable in your solitude, you shouldn’t be ashamed of being alone. “Face it and try to bring some awareness to what happens to you when you are alone. Only then will you understand what to do to solve this problem.” We use cookies to optimize it. By using our website, you agree to our cookie policy. Cookie Settings

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