How To Support A Spouse Whose Parent Has Cancer

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Helping Someone Who Is Grieving Do you know someone who is grieving? Learn what to say and how to comfort someone through sadness, grief and loss.

How To Support A Spouse Whose Parent Has Cancer

When someone you care about is grieving after their death, it can be difficult to know what to say or do. The loss has many strong and painful emotions, including depression, anger, guilt, and deep sadness. Often they also feel isolated and alone in their grief, as the pain and intense emotions can make people uncomfortable in offering support.

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You may be afraid to intervene, say the wrong thing, or make your loved one suffer more during such a difficult time. Or maybe you feel that there is nothing you can do to make things better. That makes sense. But don’t let discomfort prevent you from reaching out to someone who is grieving. Now, more than ever, your loved one needs your support. You won’t get answers or give advice or say and do all the right things. The most important thing you can do for someone who is grieving is to just be there. It is your support and caring presence that will help your loved one cope with the pain and slowly start healing.

The better your understanding of grief and its healing process, the better prepared you will be to help your bereaved friend or family member:

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Grief does not always unfold in a predictable and orderly fashion. It can be a whirlwind of emotions, with unexpected highs, lows and lows. Everyone grieves differently, so avoid telling your loved one what they “should” feel or do.

Grief can involve extreme emotions and behaviors. Feelings of guilt, anger, despair and fear are common. A grieving person may cry out to heaven, think about death, reprimand loved ones or cry for hours. Your loved one needs reassurance that what they are feeling is normal. Don’t judge them or make light of their grief.

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There is no formal plan for grieving. For most people, recovery from a death takes 18 to 24 months, but for others, the grieving process can take longer or shorter. Do not pressure your loved one to move on or make them feel like they are grieving for too long. This can slow down the healing process.

Although many of us worry about what to say to someone who is grieving, it is actually very important.

. Often, well-intentioned people avoid talking about death or changing the subject when talking about the deceased. Or, knowing that there is nothing they can say to make it better, they try to avoid the grieving person altogether.

But bereaved people should think that their death is known, and it is not bad to talk about it, and their loved one will not be forgotten. One day they may want to cry on your shoulder, another day they may want to express their feelings, or keep quiet, or share memories with you. By being present and listening with compassion, you can get a signal from the grieving person. Just being there and listening to them can be a great source of comfort and healing.

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While you shouldn’t force someone to talk, it’s important to let your grieving friend or loved one know that you’re there to listen if they want to talk about the death. them. Talk specifically about the deceased, do not leave the subject if the deceased’s name comes up. And when it seems appropriate, ask important questions—without surprises—that encourage the grieving person to express his feelings fully. Just ask, “Do you want to talk?” you let your loved one know that you can listen.

Accept status. For example, you can say something simple like: “I heard that your father died.” By using the word “died” you will show that you are free to express the feelings of the person who is grieving.

Let bereaved people tell how their loved one died. Grieving people may need to tell the story many times, sometimes in detail. Be patient. Storytelling is a way of processing and accepting death. By repeating it, the pain subsides. By listening with patience and compassion, you help your loved one heal.

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Ask how your loved one is feeling. The emotions of grief can change quickly, so don’t assume you know how the bereaved person is feeling at any given moment. If you have experienced a similar loss, share your experience if you think it will help you. However, remember that grief is an individual experience. No two people feel the same way, so don’t pretend you “know” what someone is feeling or compare your grief to theirs. Also, focus on listening instead, ask your loved one to tell you how to do it

Accept your loved one’s feelings. Let the grieving person know that it is okay to cry in front of you, be angry or feel down. Don’t try to tell them how they should or shouldn’t feel. Grief is an emotional experience, so bereaved people should feel free to express their feelings—no matter how irrational—without fear of judgment, controversy, or criticism.

Be honest in your communication. Don’t try to minimize their losses, give easy answers, or give unsolicited advice. It’s better to listen to your loved one or admit: “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know that I care about me.”

Be prepared to be silent. Don’t stop if the grieving person doesn’t want to talk. Often, their comfort comes from just being with you. If you can’t think of something to say, just look them in the eye, shake their hand or give them a reassuring hug.

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Give your support. Ask what you can do for the person who is grieving. Help with a task, such as helping with funeral arrangements, or just being there to be with him or cry.

“It’s part of God’s plan.” This word can make people angry. Often they will respond by saying, “What plan? No one told me about any plan.”

“Here’s what to be thankful for.” They know that they have something to thank them for, but now it is not necessary.

“He’s in a better place now.” Bereaved people may or may not believe this. Keep your beliefs to yourself unless asked.

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“This is behind you now; it’s time to move on with your life.” Sometimes bereaved people refuse to move on because they think this means ‘forgetting’ their loved one. Besides, moving forward is easier said than done. at his own pace.

Sentences begin with “You should” or “You will.” These sentences are very dangerous. Instead, you can use: “Have you ever thought…” or “You could try…”

Many people who are grieving find it difficult to ask for help. They may feel guilty for concentrating too much, fear being a burden to others, or be too discouraged to pursue authority. A grieving person may not have the energy or motivation to call you when they need something, so instead of saying, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” make it easy for them. by suggesting directly. You can say, “I’m going to the market this afternoon. What can I get you from there? or “I made beef stew for dinner. What time can I get it for you?

If you can, try to always lend a hand. The grieving person will know that you will be there for as long as necessary and can expect to listen to you without making any effort to ask again and again.

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Your loved one will continue to grieve long after the funeral and the cards and flowers have stopped. The length of grief varies from person to person, but it usually lasts longer than most people expect. Your bereaved friend or family member may need your support for months or even years.

Continue your long term support. Contact the bereaved person, drop in at any time, reach out, or send a letter or card. Once the funeral is over and the other mourners are leaving, and the initial fear of death is gone, your support is more important than ever.

Don’t make assumptions based on appearances. A bereaved person may seem fine on the outside, but inside they are suffering. Avoid saying things like “You’re so strong” or “You’re so beautiful.” This puts pressure on the person to remain and hide their true feelings.

The pain of death may never heal completely. Know that life may not be like that. When you “get over” the death of a loved one. People lost their lives

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