Test To See If You Are Psychic – “What most people want is a chance to lift for an hour.” Photo: Fiorella Macor/Getty Images
Clients were amazed at my psychic abilities, but did it really happen when I counted their fortunes?
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At first it was just lights, he said. And then a figure, at the edge of his vision. Now something grabbed her finger or bit her arm. There was a lot – and it happens a lot.
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I was a fortune teller. Every Sunday I climb the stairs of an old thatched house in Sydney’s historic Rocks district to sit in the attic and inspire the future. I read tarot cards or interpreted horoscopes.
An instruction manual for magicians, its central idea was that if you want something and have good intentions, just tell the universe and the magic will happen. Although none of the things I wanted (fame, money, hot boyfriends) really came, one thing led to another and I taught myself to read tarot cards. I was a science student at the time, and I just thought it was a fun game to play at parties.
That changed after I took my cards to my part-time job and read them to a colleague during my break. She chose the pregnancy card, which we laughed at, because she wanted her tubes tied.
Determined to develop my gift, I enrolled in a psychic class, where I first learned to say what came to my mind. “Your first thoughts are very intuitive, before your rational mind intervenes,” the professor said.
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I also learned that all things are connected and that everything is a symbol of something else. Suddenly, I saw signs and symptoms everywhere.
“The range of problems facing people who could pay $50 for fortune-telling was limited: problems with romance, problems at work, problems with mustering the courage to make a much-needed change.” Photo: Basa Photography/Getty Images
To test my new skills, I volunteered as a claimant at a spiritual church. The congregation would place a flower on the table, and the followers would pick one and “read” it into the microphone. Nervous, the first thing I grabbed was a bag of aluminum foil. The rose inside was packed so tightly that the petals were torn off. I didn’t get a vibe from it, so I just described the symbolism.
Then a woman came and told her that she is a victim of domestic violence and what should she do?
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Then the universe told me I wasn’t cut out for science, sending me my sophomore results. I left college to study theater and joined a year-long course at the Sydney Astronomical Centre, a cavernous office building in a rundown part of the city.
The course began with the meaning of the zodiac, from Aries to Aquarius. Then the lights; The Sun (what you will become), the Moon (what brought you into this life) and the planets. After that, how to calculate planetary positions and make horoscopes.
Although astronomers use NASA data for their calculations, horizons are not true maps of the heavens. The Babylonians, who invented astronomy, believed that the sun revolved around the earth. Modern astronomers still use charts centered on the Earth, as if Copernicus had never existed. This is just the beginning of the scientific problems.
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Astrology itself derives its meaning from a principle called sympathetic magic, where things that look alike are linked together. Mars looks red, so it rules red things like blood. How do you get blood? You cut, so Mars rules surgery and war.
You predict meaningful combinations with planetary movements. Let’s say Saturn, the planet of limitations, is about to transit the first house of self – your life will contract! You will have more responsibilities than usual. Or maybe you turn down the opportunity to take on more responsibilities. Or maybe a cold, fragile person enters your life. But anyway, this is a good time to go on a diet.
I liked it, although I had lost interest in other mystical practices. Partly I didn’t have time, because I was now immersed in theater while working as a temporary typist at the Catholic Hospital in St. Vincent. But as I moved from one department to another, my opinion changed. I recognized organized religion as somewhere between shame and evil. However, while AIDS was taking its toll—it was the 1990s—I saw sailors offering compassionate care to the dying. Christian volunteers examined abandoned men with vomit on their clothes. I was uncomfortably informed that newbies don’t build hospitals or serve alcoholic beverages – they buy self-actualization at the cash register.
Finally, I was accepted into a music course and my days were filled with classes, my nights with rehearsals. This has led to a shortage of cash because I can only do office work during academic holidays. When I saw the ad for Fortune Teller, I jumped.
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My credentials impressed the man at the counter (“My name is Ron.” He said “My spirit guide is Bluestar. He’s on the Intergalactic Committee”) and I was hired.
We charged A$50 an hour, a considerable amount at the time, and I wanted to deliver value. No fishing for my signs – I printed out a horoscope or laid out the cards and immediately began interpreting them, with the intention of surprising the client with my insight.
At halftime, I didn’t say anything. What most people want is a chance to get up for an hour.
The range of problems that a $50 payment can predict is limited: problems with romance, problems at work, problems gathering the courage to make a much-needed change. I heard these stories so many times that I could often guess what the problem was the moment someone walked in. For example, heartbroken young people talk about mental illness because it is less dangerous than telling their friends. Sometimes I said rudely, “Leave him. He’s not worth it”, when one came. I once heard, “Oh my God, oh my God!” As a startled man fell backwards down the stairs.
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I also learned that intelligence and education do not protect against superstition. Many of the clients were stockbrokers, advertising executives or politicians, dealing with issues whose consequences could not be controlled. It’s uncertainty that motivates people, not stupidity, so I’m not a millennial wondering like astrology. They grew up with Harry Potter and graduated from an uncertain economy, making them ideal customers.
What broke the spell for me, oddly enough, was people swearing about my gift. Some repeat customers claim that I have made very specific predictions, the kind of which I have never done. I realized that my readings were a co-creation – I would create a story and then add new elements from the client’s memory. I was able to test this theory after a friend praised her for a reading she did, full of incredibly accurate predictions. She had a tape of the meeting, so I asked her to play it.
The plaintiff did not say anything that my friend said. There is not one. My friend’s imagination had done all the work.
To be oddly precise – wasn’t that proof that I was a pretender? One Sunday I went straight from work to a party, before I had time to shake off my psycho personality. A student there said she wasn’t sure what to major in – photography, graphic design or maybe industrial design?
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She looked at me, her eyes wide. “How did you know?” She said, explaining that photography was her true love, but her parents didn’t approve.
I couldn’t say “because my third eye is open”, so I reflected for a moment. Then it hit me. “You looked so happy when you said ‘photo’,” I said. My psychic teacher was right—the signals we pick up before the onset of conscious awareness can be both accurate and valuable.
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Well, maybe I wasn’t psychic, but that didn’t matter. It was just fun, after all, until the cursed man walked in. The one who saw the Catholic priest.
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That same week I typed letters to a neurologist who specializes in brain disease. Some of these letters document remarkably similar symptoms to this man.
“No,” I assured him. “But Catholic priests know what they are doing. If he doesn’t help, it’s not a curse.”
The face-to-face meeting shocked me. Soon after, I put away my astrology books and taro cards forever.
I can still make the odd prediction, though. Here’s one: Venture capital investing in astrology apps will create a prediction system that works, because humans are predictable. As people follow the advice, the predictive power of the apps will increase, creating an increasingly tight electronic leash. But they will be very popular – because if you spread magic on them, you can sell people anything. Although it is true that there is
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